wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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