You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
