I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
