Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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