were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
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