got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
