those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
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