It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
