its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
