Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
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After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
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I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
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