how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
