Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
