if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
God, you're like boner-b-gone
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
