'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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