you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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