..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
