I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
