That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
