My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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