i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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