I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Randomize