Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
