he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize