remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
