Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
