my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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