and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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