My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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