The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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