This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Randomize
