just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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