Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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