please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize