Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
