My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
