she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
