please come you make the beer taste better
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
