Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
