This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
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