Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
