I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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