I think my vagina is haunted
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
