Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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