Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
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