Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
