i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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