I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize