i permit you to call me
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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