I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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