i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
