every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
