I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
