He kissed a someone with a penis
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
