It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
