OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
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I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize