I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
