the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I faked an abortion last night.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
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i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
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I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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