When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
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gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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