Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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