dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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