Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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