Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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