You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
