when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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