I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
