I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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