Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
